As you must know by now, I have come to consider my walking as part of my daily practice of trying to live life in a more mindful and in the moment way. Living in the two meter sphere that surrounds me was one of the chief draws of pedestrianism once I got past the escape (or put another way, geographic cure) aspect of thinking about walking.
For the most part, the walking has been a key part of a movement in my ability to focus more closely on what's going on at any given moment. It has also led to a greater sense of calm and being within myself. It has "forced" me to a degree to become more comfortable with what I've come to think of as myself.
I remember pretty distinctly the first long walk I took along the Baltimore and Annapolis Trail. I remember thinking that I was walking to slow down my thoughts, to live in the moment, and to gain a deeper appreciation for the things that I knew intellectually were flowing past me, but I felt as if they were flowing through me.
Less than half a mile into that walk (which ended up covering a very painful seventeen miles), I was ready to give it all up. In spite of my best intentions, I could not for the life of me slow down my racing thoughts. I projected into the future wondering what I was going to feel like at the beginning. I convinced myself that the distance was literally going to be a walk in the park, and I wanted it over as soon as possible just so I could experience the thrill of being done and then rush off to tell someone all about the connection that I'd experienced. My thoughts raced to the past and the things I had done to put myself in this position of wanting simultaneously to be connected and escape all in the same moment.
In short, I could not silence my "monkey brain," and I did not know if the effort was going to be successful or a miserable failure.
After about four miles, my feet started to hurt, and eventually that day it took just about all of my will to continue to put one foot after another. I certainly did not plan that particular walk very well because I was on a trail through the woods, I didn't have any money to call a cab if I wanted to (and by the end I wanted to), and I was worried in the beginning if I was going to achieve the escape and connection that I found myself in the process of seeking. Hell, I didn't even have close to the right shoes and socks, and I was worried about gaining some spiritual insight. Looking back on that day, it makes me chuckle a little.
Today, after getting the right shoes and socks (at least for now) after a great deal of trial and error and putting more miles than I ever imagined I would cover under my feet, I have a different perspective on a great many things that I thought I was pursuing.
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Where Sunset Occurred on the Anacostia Some Time Before I Managed to Leave the Cubicle Farm to Enjoy It |
I have put the idea of walking as an escape behind me. I pretty quickly realized that walking was a very slow exercise and basically ensured that I would not be able to outpace my own thoughts.
I did however achieve some small degree of being present in the moment that I had not been able to achieve in the past. It took longer than I thought it would to make the meager progress that I've managed in that regard, but it has been worth the work (and the shoes that have died to make that experience possible). Covering those kinds of distances on foot was much harder than I imagined, but it also has been and continues to be much more rewarding.
I read something yesterday that triggered me to thinking that I should add meditation to my daily practice of walking. I immediately did some brief research, and I stumbled upon the idea of a 100 day meditation challenge.
I am starting that challenge (or something like it) today. Just before sitting the write this little missive, I attempted to meditate by using the breathing techniques my research revealed is a good place to start. Like the walking, the initial result was not all I had hoped to experience. I meditated by breathing for eight minutes all the while consciously attempting to quiet my mind and be one with my surroundings.
It turns out that the "monkey brain" has not been banished. During those eight minutes my mind wandered too and fro. I thought briefly about what it would feel like to achieve enlightenment (sound familiar because I think I've seen this movie before), I thought about being done so I could write about it, thoughts of reading my book crept in, thoughts of Egypt came to the fore, I imagined a two and a half foot tall golden gorilla made out of bees' wax (??? WTF...Weird, I know), visious of yellow and blue enameled sunflowers intruded, my feet hurt, my legs became cool, and...well, you get the picture.
That said, there were moments where my breathing was the center, and then even that disappeared. I became more aware of my surroundings. Crickets that I never noticed before made their presence known. The road noise was surprisingly distracting, but the temperature was just right. Though I'm a meditation neophyte, the walking has given me the faith that with practice, and incremental improvement, I too can experience the being in the now and deliberately put myself into that space that exists. I feel very good about this initial attempt even though I suspect that the path is not easy, but it will be worth it.
Namaste.